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#13560769 Dec 08, 2017 at 08:15 PM · Edited 4 years ago
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11 Posts
The Journal is written in neat, swirling cursive

December 8 - Entry One

Mother said I should keep one of these. She tells me it's... Helpful to be able to write one's thoughts instead of them simply crowding in your mind, making you unable to think clearly due to you trying to think of too many things at once... She would know that, obviously, so I'm not quite sure why I'm writing down a slight complaint in that form.

Oh well.

I guess... Wow, where should I start with myself...

I've been with the First for a total of eleven days. The training is sorta... fun almost. I feel exhausted, yeah, but it is truly just... Fun. Mother always comes home looking tired and worn out, and I suppose if I ever reach Sergeant I'll understand, or hell, maybe even just Private. I can already spot difference between the Guard and the First besides the obvious.

From what mother's told me of the Guard's rules, they're a bit more relaxed, apparently. Not in a sense of they're... Er, how to put this for myself to read later... In short, they don't have as many rules, and that's about it in terms of relaxedness.

Regardless, this journal isn't about the Guard. It's about... Well, what even is it about? Me, or the First? Me and the First? ... I'm not quite sure.

Oh Light, just write and stop rambling, Connor.

Okay, try two:

These eleven days with the First have been relatively uneventful, but I am not sure that will last. The trainings are just that-- Trainings. They are teaching us how to keep ourselves, and others, alive. I'm studying my manual often, doing my best to not overwhelm myself as Captain Stonewall advised to me, but it is hard. I want to know everything in it, I want to memorize everything it in, regardless of how many times I have to read it and read it again, or how many times I have to re-write the words on the paper just to do it. I want to do good, I want to make mother, and Atles, proud. I want to know I've done something other than just sat in my room and studied things I already know.

I want to be a soldier, and now I finally am. The want has turned into gained, but now I have to deal with both the curses and blessings of my decision.

The hazing is... Acceptable, albeit a bit out there, of course I should have expected it to be a little ridiculous. As it is, I can take it readily, however annoyed at myself I am for the simple mistakes I seem to be making. Although, again, I am just a recruit. Mistakes are sort of my job for right now. I need to get over them, however, as there is no room for mistakes later on.

Speaking of being a Recruit, I am also an Apprentice of Sarceline. It's... About as boring as I expected it to be right off the bat, but I am a very energetic person everything that isn't moving around is insanely boring to me. Mother still wonder's how I am a mage... Moving on. I've been studying my tome, however I wish that I had a better relationship with the other mages so I might be able to get over my anxiety a bit and ask them for some aid in the form of them testing me or something like that.

Lieutenant Sebale informed me to begin my training as a Spellsword I must reach both Magnus in the Circle and Private in the Regiment. Both completely acceptable needs, however it is seeming to be proving a bit difficult for the former. Perhaps next time I see the Lieutenant I could ask him to quiz me, although it won't happen it is still nice to dream sometimes...

Okay, enough rambling. It's time for duty. I guess I'll be back to this thing tomorrow... Maybe.


SAME DAY, LATER AT NIGHT

Okay. Back home. Decided to write what happened while I was gone in here now so I could just write at night and have everything the day it happened as it happened.

Sergeant Grunwald was Knighted, I'm an awkward person, Ara is officially one of my favorite people (Note to self: Hide the journal from mother and Atles), and I'm dead tired.

Night me.
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#13562026 Dec 09, 2017 at 09:38 PM
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December 9 - Entry Two

Day two. Okay, this isn't terrible. Well, I mean it is terrible because I feel terrible, but that's my own fault I suppose.

Okay, so, to recap for myself: I played a drinking game, took fourteen shots of whiskey (stupid idea, Connor, stupid idea) and somehow forgot to mention that in the journal edit yesterday. Good job me, pat myself on the back yeah sure.

Okay back on track. Today has been... Boring. Woke up with a raging hangover (again, Connor. STUPID!) drank some water, felt a little worse, didn't throw up by the magic of the Light, I swear it was a miracle.

Anyways. I remember a few of the things that happened last night, but in all reality really nothing after my... Eighth shot, maybe? I know Atles took Ara home, and then me and himself, but I don't remember really saying or doing anything. Light I hope I didn't just say or do anything.

I was planning on going on duty today but HAAAAAAAA yeah no. I'm not looking to throw up or pass out in attempts to be physical. I've never drunken that much, and I don't think I will ever again. Fun during, not so much afterwards. The headache and churning stomach have died down throughout the day, but it's still a little off-putting. If I'm still not 100% by tomorrow, oh well I'm going on duty. I just need to not join in a drinking game next time.

I wonder if anyone will ever find this journal... I mean, someone probably will as in mother or if I accidently leave it in the Garrison, but only a mage would be able to open it with the lock spell I have on it. Thank you, me, for doing that the first moment you go it. We actually did a thing yea- I really just refered to myself as 'we'.

Note to self: Inform mother that writing in journal is making me think I'm two people when I'm just rambling in letters and words. There is a dot of ink as though someone had just dipped their quill into some ink and paused above the paper

Welp. My life is officially a lie. I've read what seems like hundreds of books and it has just now occurred to me: All books are just different arrangements of the twenty six letters of the Common alphabet. Entire books that take me two hands to lift up... Are just 26 letters put in different orders.

Okay I need to stop before I explode my brain.

Mom said Ara went by the Command Center earlier to inquire about me.... And the puppies. Apparently in my drunken state I'd asked him to come by and see them. Thankfully I hadn't told where I live, or I doubt he'd be standing today. The animals are protective at best, especially Nadia of her pups. Light I don't even know what I was thinking. Luckily I'm a happy drunk, or that could've went sound quick.

Okay. Anyways. I'm tired. I need to study more. I'm tired of writing in this for tonight.


Connor out.
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#13563198 Dec 11, 2017 at 12:47 AM
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December 10 - Entry Three

Alright. I've been consecutive so far in my writing but it is only day three so I'm not sure what that means. Today was... Hell, I guess.

The start of the day and the afternoon were simple. Nothing to report, I simply studied behind the Garrison and Mom sewed me a new dress- All chill, normal day stuff.

Then PT happened.

Light, PT.... Or, well, it was supposed to be a PT, but then some fired happened down at the docks. We were tasked with putting out the fires on the last of three boats. Buckets were ready for us, the fires were bad yeah, but nothing we couldn't handle.

It all went down hill when I was ordered to use my magic. I'm not... I'm not that strong in my magic- Er, well, I am I just take a second to cast it, and when I was ordered to cast it I just kept getting hit by the flames and it broke my concentration. My arms and chin kept getting hit, I think I got maybe one spell off onto a fire. It got so hot, and my brain was so muddled by the smoke, and the pain from the burns... I blacked out.

I'm not proud of what happened, I should have done better than that. I need to train more, to get my response time with my magic up and get what I need to get done, done.

I suppose the only really "good" thing that happened today was Ara tried to pee on the fires and got burned... It was... really funny to watch, although I could hear the consecutive cringe from the men around Azeroth.

Alright... Short entry today, my head is killing me from that smoke inhalation.

Recap: Cryomancy and fire don't mix. Ara's an idiot sometimes. I really need to remember to continually re-cast the lock spell on this journal, lest mama finds it and skin Ara alive... Although it would be kinda funny- No, no, Connor, he's your first and only friend in the regiment so far. Protect the boy.

Alright, I need sleep.

Connor out.

P.S. Note to self: Stop talking about Ara so much, incase you actually do forget to lock it. You know both mama and Atles' are snoops.
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#13565860 Dec 12, 2017 at 07:00 PM · Edited over 3 years ago
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December 12 - Entry Four

Alright, so I missed a day. Big wup... I write as I am the only person who has ever and will ever read this... Good job, Connor.

Anyways, yesterday was... Weird. I mean, it was alright at the beginning, but I'm seeming to notice a pattern with the First. During the day it's all serious and no bull policy. During the night they get... Well, weird! Like, I mentioned that I because of my long standing time as an orphan I had not had the ability to do... Well, most of anything really.

For example, cause apparently I need those for myself later in life?, I haven't eaten a lot of things, or done a lot of things that other people do constantly. I didn't learn to ride, well, anything until I fostered by the Dwarf (for reference, future Connor-- He Who Smoked) and he taught me to ride a Gryphon and a horse, and even then I was almost fifteen. I shot my first gun when I was with him too, and I held my first sword with I was with the Dreanei (He Who Partied) cause apparently I needed to 'man up and stop being a mage'. Jokes on you, He Who Partied, Spellswords are a thing!

Anyways, back to my point. I mentioned I've not tasted a lot because I was an Orphan and Sergeant Renfield (Light that's long to write in cursive... His name is now Fido.) Back to my point again-- Fido apparently heard me around the room and gasped, like, actually gasped and ran to me, stared at me I think? and then ran back to the table to grab all he could and then shoved a piece of bad smelling cheese in my face.

I didn't take the cheese for three reasons.
One: Fido just shoved a piece of smelly cheese in my face, no way in heck am I just eating that until I know what it is.
Two: He shoved it in my face. What was I supposed to do, lift my hand and take it from him, or open my mouth and let him feed me???
Three: Before I could even decide what to do he then goes 'Here comes the air ship... WOOOOOO' or something like that.

What does the phrase in number three even freaking mean!? Regardless, it seems I was saved by the bell... More accurately the Sergeant Major. He came right up behind Fido and it was either him or Captain Stonewall (who joined shortly after) who asked him 'Are you babying the Recruit's Sergeant Renfield?' So, yeah I just kept quiet.

Well, I did until I stupidly sang the "Now's the time for heroes" song and got surrounded. For the second time that night, but we'll flash back to the first time after this one. Anyways, I messed up a few words because I forgot to do this thing called 'Listen to myself when I talked' and some of the words got all sorts of jumbled. Serve turned into Server (luckily not sever... I probably would have been hung if that had happened...) and a few other ones got messed up to.

However, going back to the first time I was surrounded that night (wow I'm just jumping all over the place today) I had zoned out because I'm a space-y person when I'm not in a situation where I need to be focused, but apparently I did right then! I zoned back while I had... I think it was Section twenty-one of General Conduct? Future Connor'll probably look at this and go "wow I was dumb, that's obviously Section 'blah blah blah", but I'm pretty sure Section Twenty-One of General Conduct is of Pregnancy and I was trying to see what all of that I remembered when Captain Stonewall appeared out of no where (to me because I was zoned) and when I zoned in I had to apologize and explain I had zoned whilst thinking about the Field Manual. Then I realized I had Sergeant Major Grunwald and Fido on both sides and my back was to a wall. Thankfully, I was complimented on my... I think dedication to the manual? Something like that? I was too confused to know what was truly going on, but from what I get each time I'm reading my manual or somehow prove I'm studying it the regiment (or at least Sergeants and up...) react rather... Enthusiastically.

Regardless, I'm going to continue studying my manual, because why not, and studying my tome. I need... I need to learn *more* on that, since apparently I'm on my own in the circle for now. Fido was just given his hat yesterday (the reason for the party that I got cornered at two times), so I guess I'll just keep to myself and Ara... Although I want to make friends, or at least aquantinces with everyone in the regiment, I suppose I need to focus on my rank and such first. "You don't get a social life as a Recruit" or whatever Captain Stonewall had said to Ara.

Okay, I need nicknames for them all, just for this Journal... The names are too freaking long to write.

Alright...
Sergeant Hugo Renfield - Fido.
Sergeant Major Edrington Grunwald - Hatter.
Knight-Captain Stonewall - Old Yeller.
Recruit Araceia Lightsmyth - Ara.
Knight-Lieutenant Roy Sebale - Spear.

More nicknames are to come...



Anyways, enough about yesterday. Now about today--

I've went with mother and ran the docks a few times, as per usual, then we raced from the gates of Stormwind as far as we could to the Garrison. (She won, and got significantly further than I could to the Garrison... Show off.) Then we went about some time cleaning up the house and land, fixed up more of the barn, and she inquired about the journal. Mentioned she saw it was locked.

She laughed at the blank expression I gave her. Of course I'ma lock it from yours and Atles' prying eyes mother, should have known better... Note to self: REMEMBER TO LOCK THIS ONCE YOUR DONE!


Okay, we have a training later but I doubt anything truly writing worthy will happen, so if that's the case bye Connor, if not, see you in a bit Connor.



Connor out.
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#13568839 Dec 15, 2017 at 01:06 AM · Edited over 3 years ago
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This entry is written in quick, sloppy handwriting

December 14 - Entry Five

Alright, me, this is what you get for getting sick. You weren't able to sit up let alone write in your journal! You're not getting off on the right foot with your journal- I need to shut the heck up.

Okay. I got sick, better today with no fever so I went on duty.

Went and checked on some cow-nappings (heh...) Got looked at by the farmer, asked me if I knew how to help a man relieve some stress. Yeah, not on your life sweetpea.

Fast forwards-- I suck at stealthing, bright blue freaking uniform around green, knew I was gonna get spotted. Regardless, I was able to lead the regiment from the farm to the cows due to spotting the trail they were taken on, but yeah, again, stealth is not my forte.

Regardless, we did alright, I guess. Fractured my arm and bruised my shoulder real good, so that's totally fun. Mmhmm. Mama ain't too happy that I keep gettin' hurt like I have been, but... It's a part of the job, I guess... Killin' too.

Today we killed people. Bandits, yeah, but still. Two of which I had a hand in, due to my spells. I don't sit wrong, exactly, but it don't sit right either... It's not like we murdered them in cold blood, since they did attack us first, and even if they hadn't they were thieves and probably would have tried to kill us sneakily.

I don't know how I feel about it
Was it really that bad? They were bandits after all
Why don't I feel more emotion about this than I might should?

I don't have answers for all of the questions in my head about the killings. I'm... Emotionless, almost. Well, not exactly, but kind of? I don't know, honestly... I might talk to Atles about it, get his input... Is it good to not feel... Completely terrible about aiding in taking someone's life, even if they would have willingly taken yours, as shown by a fractured arm and swollen and bruised shoulder? I... I can't tell. I don't exactly want to feel terrible for it, I had no thoughts of it during the fights, just the objective: Find the cows, get them home safely.

Is it good or is it bad?

I need to think on this... Or at least talk to Atles, maybe after I talk to someone else? I'm... Almost sort of lost right now... I've never acted without thinking first. That... Almost scared me. Correction, it did scare me. Is scaring me? I don't know right now, my thoughts are all jumbled.

As a mage I pride myself on thinking before I act so I have the right spell, the right aim, the right, well, everything. I lost that for a moment today, in a panic of being in pain and needing to make sure the others didn't suffer the same pain as well... I should talk to someone...
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#13583819 Dec 28, 2017 at 12:55 AM · Edited over 3 years ago
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This entry is written in neat cursive.

December 27 - Entry Six

So. I missed a lot of days. Sue me, me.

Screw this, I'm just gonna give a basic recap of today only:

We went on patrol in Westfall, I had to kill 2 men and then watched Hatter kill another in front of me, blood getting on my clothes.

Night me.

Connor out.

I'm never going to get the image of a ice shard going through one man's head and another going through a man's chest out of my head.
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#13613115 Jan 18, 2018 at 10:16 PM
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January eighteenth - Entry seven

Well, that's been quite a time jump.

Recap for myself:

I am now currently a Magus within the Sarceline Mage Circle, and training to become a Spellsword.

The Spellsword training is.. Difficult, yet simple. It's only because I have never worn plate before, and literally all I am doing right now is enjoying myself with fifty push-ups, sit ups, and then ten laps up and down a tower at the garrison. Day two, already, and I am sore. My entire body hurts due to the weight of the armor, but it isn't completely terrible. I can tell this'll work out quickly in my work towards being able to wear the armor during the entirety of being on duty, and not just during trainings.

As I become better at the push-ups, sit-ups and laps Spear said he'll be adding more difficult exercises. I have to be able to wear the uniform, and fight as well as an armsman before I can begin learning the spells, I'm pretty sure is what I heard him say.

All of this... This makes me feel good. And with Ara working on his Ranger trials, and mama and Domenic getting further into their relationship too, I just... This makes me so incredibly happy, I'm scared it'll go away again. That I'll wake up and it'll all just have turned out to be some insane dream I had, and I turn out to still be at the orphanage or something...

Whatever this is, whether it's reality or a dream, I'll live it. I'll live it to the fullest, because I'm a Silverblade, I'm a Private, and I'm me.

Connor out.
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#13687574 Mar 09, 2018 at 04:21 PM
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March ninth - Entry eight

Yet another time jump!

I guess writing in this thing is harder than I thought it'd be. Anyways.

A lot of crap has happened since I last wrote in this. And I mean a lot.

I've been promoted to Corporal, I'm deeper into my Spellsword training. Sir Roy says come our next meet-up I will more than likely beginning my practice with a sword, so that is both scary and exciting.
Uh... What else.... Ah, yes, I am now engaged!

Ara proposed to me about... A week ago. The ring sits well on my hand, and it's a nice constant weight other than when I am on duty, since wearing jewelry when on duty is not allowed. Regardless, I'm engaged, hell to the yes.

Now onto the serious part.

In my last entry, I mentioned that I was scared that this all was just a dream. This all being my life with mother, and joining the Army and meeting Ara, all of it. I would say "I love you" and more to Ara, but I always had this small voice in the back of my head, telling me "It's not real. This is all gonna fade. You're still alone." and honestly it was... Terrifying. In all of my dreams when something truly bad happens, something that rocks my core, I always wake up. Always.

Like this one dream when I was younger, during the time that King Anduin was still a Prince and he was lost in Pandaria, I had a full fledge nightmare about it, without even knowing any context. In my dream his hair was longer, about the length it is today, and he wore these ill-fitting clothes. He was skinny, extremely so. Almost to the point I was at that age, which was not healthy in the least bit. I had heard rumors about the horde being on the island as well, only being called rumors since orphans get told nothing, and that played into the nightmare as well. I dreamed of this long haired, dirty, malnourished Prince Anduin being tortured by random orcs. It would occasionally switch up, sometimes it being Garrosh Hellscream himself, other times it being some random orc my mind came up with. I could never see a face, it was always blurred out, but I knew who each person was, somehow.

I spent what felt like days watching my Prince being tortured, over and over, wounds turning to scars as he did his best to heal himself, hearing him call out to the Light, hearing him pray for death when he was alone. None of it woke me up.

Until Garrosh took him, dragged him to the middle of some temple, chained, and bloody, and broken. Garrosh boasted about about he'd broken the human 'weakling' and the entire Alliance was frozen on the other side, unable to move as Garrosh shoved Anduin down, and swung his axe. I woke up as soon as the blade broke the first layer of skin. It was only about one in the morning.

I have feared, for the longest time that my life of being adopted and slowly climbing the ranks of the regiment, finding the love of my life... Has all just been a dream...

But I was proven wrong last night, or I suppose two nights ago now. We were deployed to Tol Barad with the KTMC to clear some horde and demons from the land. On the very last day that we were expected to be fighting, we fought a Dreadlord. He emitted a blast that busted some tube in my throat that connects to my ear and made it where I couldn't tell my ups from my downs, and my world was quite literally spinning.

But I still saw Ara go flying.

I still saw the blood.

I don't know how, but I picked myself up and somehow got over to him, and when I put my hand on his chest and felt the softest flutter of a heartbeat something inside my flipped. Everything suddenly felt more real. The voice in the back of my head was gone, the pain of my wounds truly stood out, and fear clenched my throat closed as the image of Ara being hit played on loop behind my eyes.

I finally realized my life wasn't just the dreams of an orphan, but that I am a former orphan with a life. A love.

And I almost lost him.

My life, my love, my world... Is real. But with reality comes pros and cons.

I don't know why but I can't talk well. Yesterday all I could do was make simple sounds. Such as sounds of distress or discomfort. Today I could say simple words, and by the end of the night I was able to string together sentences. I think the medics (Aka: Tilliea) think my voice or throat or whatever suffered something due to the blast as well but it doesn't hurt. I know I can say the words, I know what the words are, but when I try... I struggle. It's like my mind is stopping me from speaking correctly. I can't explain it, but it's... Strange. I pray to the Light that a little bit of time will get me speaking properly again. I have already been mostly deaf for eighteen years of my life, and would have been totally if not for the spell casted that allowed me to hear as though everything around me was underwater or something like that. I don't like not being able to talk.

Speaking of Tilliea, she's a new Private, along with Eriza Hart. Eri and I went to the same orphanage, and Tilliea is a noble like Ara. I like both of them, and I really think they'll go far in the regiment.

Regardless, I've gone on for too long.

Recap: I'm a corporal, I'm engaged. My life is real and not a dream. I can't talk very well right now. I've made two new friends.

Connor out.
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